i know the plans You have for me.

Last week at church, my preacher was talking about the importance of being willing. He said that God will take a willing person and turn them into a worshiping servant, but the key is being willing, completely, totally giving your life over to Him.

This is something that in the past I have struggled with. I'm a little bit of a control freak, especially when it comes to my life. I like to know where I am going and what I'm doing. There's a comfort in that for me, as for most people. However, it's because of that very reason that God has found it beneficial to keep me from knowing such plans. I'm now nearing a very important crossroad in my life. I'm about to graduate college. That's just crazy. I can't believe this day that I've had down in my plans on paper my whole life is just 3 months away. I can barely grasp that in my mind. It is at this point in my journey where everyone asks me what I'm going to do and where I am going to go from here, and in my ignorance all I can say is "I have no idea, but I still have a little time."

Sadly, that time is quickly vanishing. However, I think I have an idea and a vague direction. Everyone tells you to find a job/career that you love and you'll never work a day in your life. So after much deliberation I came to one conclusion. The only job at which I could find myself happy with every day is in the concept of ministry. Yes, I love to write, and I may still get to do that. And yes, I love to cheer and teach cheer and gymnastics and all of that, and I may still get to do that too. That's what's great about ministry is that there are opportunities for so many different vocations within it. But the one place in which I could be happy all of my days is in sharing my wonderful Lord and beautiful Savior with people. That's really what it's all about.

People have told me before that they had seen me moving that direction with my life one day, and I think I knew it too. I just didn't want to take the steps necessary to be that person yet. I ran away from chances to do just that, and sometimes I still regret that. But I also know that I needed that time away to find myself and to find out that where I was going was exactly where I belonged. And last week, I heard that sermon about being willing, and at the end the preacher asked us to think and pray on it and to stand with him if we were, in fact, willing to be transformed into worshiping servants of God. And I did, and I am.

So that being said, I'm applying to seminary for the fall. The decision actually came quite easily to me, which if you knew me would surprise you. So for now it's out of my hands and solely in His, but that's where it should be. After all, it's not my life anyway, it's His.